


What a Guy

by DoreyG



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU
Genre: Community: comment_fic, Dick is Ridiculously Pretty and Nobody Can Tell Me Otherwise, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Underage Relationship(s), Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3556289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Uh,” especially when faced with somebody like <i>Dick</i>. Who, no joke, could make the winner of the coy Olympics feel inadequate. It’s barely worth trying, around him – he makes the dumbest, most breathlessly gushy of statements sound <i>natural</i>, “how is who? Bruce? Alfred? Tim? Although you probably wouldn’t be asking after Tim, considering…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Guy

“So,” he purrs, attempting to sound coy and probably failing. It’s not his fault, _he_ never got lessons in being all coy and teasing and shit. He tried to ask Barbara for advice once, just casually, and she laughed in his face. You can’t blame a guy for being at a disadvantage, “how is he?”

“Uh,” especially when faced with somebody like _Dick_. Who, no joke, could make the winner of the coy Olympics feel inadequate. It’s barely worth trying, around him – he makes the dumbest, most breathlessly gushy of statements sound _natural_ , “how is who? Bruce? Alfred? Tim? Although you probably wouldn’t be asking after Tim, considering…”

_See_? He can even _coo_ , and make it sound totally ordinary. It just makes a person want to drop all acts and get straight to the point. Or headbutt a wall, whichever is quickest, “I mean Damian.”

“ _Damian_?” Or headbutt Dick himself, whichever is quickest. God, how a guy can blush like that and still be taken seriously is beyond him. He’d ask around for answers, but he’s pretty sure that that’s stumped everybody else too, “uh, Damian’s fine. Damian’s good. He took down a ring of smugglers on his own last night, I was so proud of him-“

“-That you gave him a blowjob?” He suggests, and refuses to let his envy destroy him. If Bruce has gone all these years without shoving him off a rooftop for being ridiculous, then he can do the same. As easy as _pie_ , “or a handjob? Or are you at the mutual masturbation stage of your relationship, yet? I hear that comes late for some people.”

“ _Jason_ ,” or, at least, he _assumes_ that Bruce has gone all these years without shoving him off a rooftop for illegal levels of ridiculousness. At this rate, he’s thinking that he’d have to ask. Maybe throw in a few transcripts of this conversation too, because _oh boy_ , “that’s-“

“ _Dick_ ,” he’d say that it was the most amusing conversation he ever had. But, then, he’s met both Tim and Steph and they manage to be hilarious without invoking absurd amounts of jealousy. Still – top ten, certainly. Maybe even top five, if he can shut his eyes and concentrate for long enough, “I’m asking what he’s like in _bed_.”

“ _Jason_!” Shut his eyes, _shut his eyes_. Dick’s ridiculous blush simply makes him wonder how a human can actually achieve that colour, and it’s _distracting_ , “what is _wrong_ with you? He’s _seventeen_ -“

Horribly distracting, _awfully_ distracting. He smirks, to try to distract himself from the distraction, and forces himself on word by grumpy word, “don’t blame me, Dicky boy. _I’m_ not the one fucking him.”

“ _Jason_!”

…It doesn’t work.

“ _Honestly_.”

He’s already distracted by the swish of hair that Dick manages as he turns on his heel, the melodramatic way that he marches off and how even his _ass_ seems to look somewhat disapproving.

_Ridiculous_.

…He wonders how he does it.


End file.
